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The Diary of a Grammar Nazi
20 most recent entries

Date:2007-11-05 14:02
Subject:A villanelle when I should have gone to Bio 152
Security:Public
Mood:wasteful

I'm still wearing pajamas under my dress
They're comforting, easy, and trap body heat
and I cannot help but to sleep in your class

I love that old trench coat, and I will confess
My new combat boots make me feel complete
I'm still wearing pajamas under my dress

When I got the letter I said I'd deal with the stress
But there are parts of our pasts we will always repeat
and I cannot help but to sleep in your class

I sold all I owned so that mess could not amass
But now there's that big pile of clothes by my feet
I'm still wearing pajamas under my dress

I keep skipping lectures; I want only to pass
When I say I was sick it's not really deceit
I just cannot help but to sleep in your class

How can I change when I already possess
so much experience in self defeat?
When I'm wearing pajamas under my dress
How can I not fall sleep in your class?

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Date:2007-06-28 10:35
Subject:This is going to be expensive, isn't it?
Security:Public
Mood:medicated

A successful doctor's visit is one where you leave with 4 bandaids, 4 prescriptions, a half-inch of paper and the feeling that you're probably not alright to drive home.

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Date:2007-06-05 18:50
Subject:
Security:Public

I got accepted into Smith College - What? Should I go? Do I want to go?

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Date:2007-04-29 02:12
Subject:
Security:Public

If anyone is into it, I figured I should mention that I'm probably going to keep a blog when I'm in Russia (mostly for my family to read). If you're into reading it, It'll be here: http://hallieabroad.blogspot.com/

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Date:2007-01-13 05:34
Subject:
Security:Public

In a few minutes,
I'm going to have to tell you
"I'm sorry, Jacek,
I gave all our blankets away,
But we can each sleep with our own
tablecloth."

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Date:2007-01-07 04:52
Subject:
Security:Public

It hurts so much to brush my teeth. It always has. I love the feeling afterwards; I am not a freak, I like having a clean mouth. But the tooth paste burns. All tooth paste does. It burns my tongue, my gums and the inside of my lips. It squinch my eyes up when I brush and try to think about something else, something that doesn't hurt. I lock my jaw in place and make up an arbitrary goal, like, "count to 55" and then the toothpaste starts dribbling out of my mouth and it burns my skins. And it really hurts. And no, there is nothing pleasant about it. It's not a nice, clean burn or anything like that. It makes my eyes tear up, and when I finally get to rinse my mouth out it's frantic and because I just want to make the pain stop. I've just been ignoring this, my whole life. Well, no more. I hate brushing my teeth.

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Date:2006-10-12 15:39
Subject:My replacement.
Security:Public

Darla's heating pad came today, and it has a pleasant sort of yellowy-peach cover to it. The exact same color as my skin tone, in fact. It's as if the manufacturers knew its purpose.

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Date:2006-02-13 13:49
Subject:
Security:Public

I haven't had a day to myself in a while, I guess.

I have been up since the morning, moving slowly and being pleasantly alone. The house feels so foreign with my mom's stuff gone, but I really like it. I've always love this feeling of just-moved-in; everything's new; I haven't ruined it yet. It's the most comfortable I've been here in a long time.

I spent a while appreciating my pets. I got Faith when I was 10, when I just moved here. I hadn't lived with my mother in 4 years and I had just met Jeff. I was friendless in a new place, living with strangers. But I had my dog, and she brought me stability and comfort.
I didn't intend to keep Darla, but I would like to think that it was intended that I should keep Darla. Keeping Darla was the first big decision I made directly against my mom's wishes, and it was a fine decision. I loved her how needy she was. Her dependance made me feel more in control of everything; my ability to take care of my cat gave me confidence in my ability to take care of myself, when I was so scared.

I had a chance to sit down and read my baby book today. I cried for about half an hour. Having a child is giving your whole life to someone who will never appreciate it. I wish I never existed. I've taken everything from her, and now she's poor and miserable. She was so strong when I needed her and as I've become stronger shes little by little given it up, having no need for it anymore. There's no way to fix this now.

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Date:2005-12-24 05:40
Subject:
Security:Public

Studies show that Darla's favorite flavor of Greenies cat treats is savory salmon, followed by ocean fish, then liver, and her least favorite is chicken. Testing indicates that Darla would, if she has the power, eat these stinky things until she shat little green puddles, but the evidence is not conclusive.

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Date:2005-12-14 23:38
Subject:
Security:Public

I cry like a grown woman now. I hate the way it sounds.

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Date:2005-11-04 22:19
Subject:3 things about today
Security:Public

I heard this haiku in my head when I was opening mail:

I open my mail
only to find that I have
a lap full of trash

------------------------------------------

I bought my dog a sweater today. My mom took one look at it and said, "What, d'you get her a medium? No one in this house can wear a medium."

I guess I will bring it back for a large tomorrow.

------------------------------------------

Today I realized that I think about what I am going to cook for certain occations well in advance, and it made me worry about the level of excitement in my life.

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Date:2005-10-18 16:50
Subject:
Security:Public

Everyone I have a crush on has a name that starts with a J. If you know me at all, you should be able to guess one. 1000 bonus points if you guess all three. But, of course, if you get any right I'll have to delete your post - wouldn't want to make it too easy for the other players.

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Date:2005-10-09 02:09
Subject:
Security:Public

The pebbles forgive me
The trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?

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Date:2005-09-21 15:36
Subject:I'm asking you out.
Security:Public

In southern California, the weather is very nice, almost all of the time. In the dead of
winter, we don our fashionable light jackets so that the cool breeze does not interrupt our
elegant walks down rodeo drive. We dip into boutiques, and buy more jackets that we
will have all winter to enjoy.

In Louisville, It is too cold or too hot, almost all of the time. The two weeks of fall sneak
by so fast that when I pause on my front porch to breathe them in, I exhale a frosted cloud
into the first days of a long, dull winter.

Just as the butterflies frantically emerge for their season, our lives - torn carelessly in the
excitement of summer - are, in the fall, sewn back together with the sturdy thread of
routine.

So, before for we forget - and sacrifice many more butterfly lifetimes to the gluttonous
gods of the future - I would like it if we could perhaps have a modest picnic. Far away
from people, from their feeble attempts to control time and nature, we could kiss, and for
once not worry about deadlines or schedules, expectations or opinions.

It would be just you, me, and the fall.

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Date:2005-08-25 13:56
Subject:Today, I wrote a poem.
Security:Public

A Sonnet In Which A Microwave Is Once Again Personafied.

Perched alone above the clothes washer, you
Saw the future on that deadly plate
Indeed, for on silver wings it flew.
And you, powerless to avert your fate.

Your station must have seemed especially cruel,
When you were a victim of your peculiar use.
Forced into suicide, an abused tool
Of a reckless master without excuse.

I do not doubt your last thoughts were of me,
And of the injustice of your untimely end.
Did that sudden power bring glee?
Did you hope at least in death you could contend?

For I know it was not by random chance
That you set fire to my favorite pants.

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Date:2005-08-23 01:04
Subject:List are a good way to convey information
Security:Public

Cats:
+ Their rubbing on me creates a sense of neededness
+ They like to play with my toes
- They like to play with my toes when I am sleeping
+ No one else likes to sit in my computer chair with me while I talk to my other friends
- The entire cat food industy is, apparently, a meditation on possible ambient smells of the underworld
- When they poop, they try to save it in a box in my room
+ They purr, which makes them much easier to read than my girlfriend
- I have to give them up in a few days

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Date:2005-08-13 01:27
Subject:Attention Crafty Peoples
Security:Public

My cousin makes tassel dolls. She takes regular, broken and ugly ceramic dolls, and turns them into neat little dolls that at their waste become tassels. The byproduct of this hobby is, however, many little ceramic legs. She has boxes of them. When I became excited at the bizarre sight of hundreds of dismembered doll legs, she gave them to me.

If anyone has a good use for these legs, please post. A macabre windchime has already been suggested.

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Date:2005-08-03 06:19
Subject:
Security:Public

"Why is the floor covered with powder?...I liked the carpet better."

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Date:2005-07-30 15:32
Subject:You Never Can Tell
Security:Public

It was a teenage wedding, and the old folks wished them well
You could see that Pierre did truly love the madamoiselle
And now the young monsieur and madame have rung the chapel bell,
"Cest la vie", say the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell

They furnished off an apartment with a two room Roebuck sale
The coolerator was crammed with TV dinners and ginger ale,
But when Pierre found work, the little money comin worked out well
"Cest la vie", say the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell

They had a hi-fi phono, boy, did they let it blast
Seven hundred little records, all rock, rhythm and jazz
But when the sun went down, the rapid tempo of the music fell
"Cest la vie", say the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell

They bought a souped-up jitney, twas a cherry red 53,
They drove it down to Orleans to celebrate the anniversary
It was there that Pierre was married to the lovely madamoiselle
"Cest la vie", say the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell

It had a teenage wedding, and the old folks wished them well
You could see that Pierre did truly love the madamoiselle
And now the young monsieur and madame have rung the chapel bell,
"Cest la vie", say the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell

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Date:2005-07-07 00:32
Subject:
Security:Public

Me, after unwrapping a towel I found on the kitchen table, under some fireworks:
"Oh, so that's where that ear of corn went!"

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